On Behalf Of Orthodox Jewish Single jewish women

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Rebbetzen' Viewpoint

By: Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
On Behalf Of Orthodox Jewish Single jewish women
Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis:

was bothered by the letter published in the October 14 issue of The Jewish Press in regard to the "Jewish Match crisis." Though the author has pointed to some very real pitfalls in the world at large, he has unfairly presented his complaints and frustrations regarding the population of Orthodox Jewish Single jewish women. Please allow me to explain what mean.

As 21-year-old Jewish Single college senior who has dealt with her own painful moments in the Jewish Dating game, acknowledge that probably have had less exposure to these moments than the young man whose letter read. Nonetheless, upon reading it (from the perspective of a psychology major well-versed in the subject of research methods and design, might add), was immediately struck by the fact that its author had unjustly generalized his personal negative experiences to the vast population of Orthodox Jewish Single jewish women.

My first contention concerns the break-up that he briefly refers to as the primary grounds for his argument. First, the complexity of the relationship that he describes — or that of any relationship between two people — cannot be fully conveyed in mere two paragraphs. As an outside observer, cannot help but assume that more factors must have been involved than just that of a woman not being ready to commit to Jewish Marriage because she was simply "looking to have a good time," "bored," or "would actually rather remain Jewish Single," as implied. Furthermore, it this one woman did have some sort of commitment issue, believe that she is rare in her kind; most jewish women know who are Jewish Dating have put serious thought to the realistic consideration that this might render them as married jewish women within the year. No doubt the described situation was painful, emotionally exhausting, and a downright bummer, but by and large, don't believe that any man or woman would deliberately and maliciously cause it to occur.

Secondly, would like to address the complaints made about the two Jewish Singles events described by the author. too have attended a few Jewish Singles events, have been privy to these mentioned behaviors and perhaps ignobly engaged in some of them myself. On this point, would absolutely agree with the author. Singles programs, think all would agree, are charged with the mission of setting up a forum for men and jewish women to informally engage each other in conversation in the hopes of finding Jewish Marriage partners. If you'd ask any attendee of such an event the reason for their participation, this is no doubt the statement you would hear. Yet, reality presents a problem unanticipated by the idealistic theory behind it. The dilemma alluded to is the fact that many Jewish Singles of our generation have been raised in homes where their exposure to the opposite *** was at best tolerated, if not downright discouraged. Thus, people like myself, who are generally confident in social situations and even extremely outgoing, find themselves recoiling in trepidation in the midst of Jewish Singles gatherings. For lack of a better strategy, they then turn to their friends of the same gender for support and enjoy themselves in the manner most familiar to them. By no means am satisfied with such behavior — in fact, am actively attempting to eradicate it within my circle of friends and myself. The element that wish to stress here is that the problem lies not in the fact that jewish women are not interested in Jewish Marriage, but rather that perhaps, as the author has suggested, they do not collectively respond well to the atmosphere of Jewish Singles events.

Finally, would like to respond to the last item mentioned by the author with reference to his on-line Jewish Dating experiences. confess that am none too familiar with the Jewish Dating sites that exist. There is one that do have slight knowledge of through another party. This site, believe, offers general information about its members and also provides shadchanim who have a genuine interest in matching up seemingly compatible people. If the author has been discouraged by profiles reading "princess," perhaps he is searching on the wrong site.

Furthermore, even if all jewish women who subscribe to the sites are, as he said, inclined to be of the "conceited" type, personal experience with my own friends and acquaintances tells me that this is hardly true at large. Not only are three close friends of mine the supporting backbone of their families who are faced with difficulties at present, but solid thirty others have been sacrificing time that should be spent on schoolwork and fun in order to plan kiruv events, organize and attend Shabbatons, visit hospitals, and attend shiurim.

The message that desire to convey is as follows:

There are many jewish women out there who have hearts of gold and who are looking to "raise large family bathed in an atmosphere of Torah and mitzvos." know some of them and continue to meet them through the various activities and programs in which am involved. Do not let a few rotten apples spoil the barrel — give us a chance, and we just might surprise you.

Thank you for reading this letter.

(Response in next week' column)