Jewish Jewish Dating advice

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Special Note: Two week` ago, published a letter from a young jewish jewish Jewish Single woman who returned to her parental home in a small Jewish Community after completing college in order to help her ailing father in the family business. She wrote of the difficulties she encountered in meeting other Jewish jewish jewish Jewish Singles in such a small Jewish Community. Several months ago, a neighbor invited her nephew, a successful young businessman from New York to meet her. They liked each other very much. Nevertheless, she wrote that she had some serious concerns — he and his family were very assimilated, while she came from a home which, although not Orthodox, was respectful of tradition. The young man agreed that, once married, he would honor her wish to keep a kosher home, but he refused to give up eating at seafood restaurants or his favorite dish, shrimp. He also told her that he felt that the laws of kashrut (keeping kosher) are no longer valid, and advanced all sorts of rationalizations to prove his point. The young woman asked that write something which might inspire him to give up his predilection and observe kashrut. She also asked if this religious conflict warranted their breaking up, and whether she had the right to move and leave the family business.
Special Note: Two week` ago, published a letter from a young jewish jewish Jewish Single woman who returned to her parental home in a small Jewish Community after completing college in order to help her ailing father in the family business. She wrote of the difficulties she encountered in meeting other Jewish jewish jewish Jewish Singles in such a small Jewish Community.

Several months ago, neighbor invited her nephew, a successful young businessman from New York to meet her. They liked each other very much. Nevertheless, she wrote that she had some serious concerns — he and his family were very assimilated, while she came from a home which, although not Orthodox, was respectful of tradition. The young man agreed that, once married, he would honor her wish to keep a kosher home, but he refused to give up eating at seafood restaurants or his favorite dish, shrimp. He also told her that he felt that the laws of kashrut (keeping kosher) are no longer valid, and advanced all sorts of rationalizations to prove his point. The young woman asked that write something which might inspire him to give up his predilection and observe kashrut. She also asked if this religious conflict warranted their breaking up, and whether she had the right to move and leave the family business.

The following is my reply:

My Dear Friend:

The family business is the easier issue to address: additional help can be hired, or the business can be sold. If you marry, your first responsibility is to your husband, and your parents will be the first to agree with this, as you yourself indicated in your letter. However, kashrut is an entirely different matter.

For more than four decades, have been privileged to be involved in kiruv — outreach — through our Hineni organization. Invariably, have found that for many of our assimilated brethren, one of the most formidable barriers to surmount is the observance of the laws of kashrut.

Eating in our society has become way of life. Restaurants that people frequent are closely linked to their business and social lives. The foods that they eat and enjoy become addictive, and they cannot bear to give them up. So they rationalize that they can be good Jews and still indulge their non-kosher preferences. "Kosher," they loudly protest, "is synonymous with cleanliness, and modern hygiene has rendered these atavistic laws obsolete."

It is sign of colossal Jewish ignorance to attribute our commandments to hygiene. Kashrut does not connote cleanliness or good health. As a matter of fact, there are no definitive reasons given for any of our commandments, except for one, and that is that G-d commanded them so that we might become His holy nation and fulfill our Covenant sealed at Sinai — and if that isn`t reason enough, don`t know what is.

True, we have study which is referred to as "Ta`amei HaMitzvot" — "Reasons for the Commandments" — but the word "Ta`am" means "taste" rather than "reason". Through Ta`amei HaMitzvot our sages present to us the benefits that accrue when we observe the commandments, so that we may acquire a taste for them and come to love them. This can be likened to a mother coaxing her young child to eat. "It`s yummy, it`s delicious," she cajoles. But surely "yummy" is not the reason why a mother wants her child to eat. Rather, she wants him to have the necessary nutrition required for his growth and maturity. But were she to say to her little one, "Eat, it`s chock full of vitamins," it would not be an incentive.

Similarly, one who is "young child in terms of Jewish knowledge" cannot relate to the awesomeness of being part of a Priestly Kingdom and a Holy Nation that sealed a Covenant with G-d at Sinai.... For that you need a Torah education. Should you however wish to read up on the benefits that can be accrued from the observance of the laws of kashrut, refer you to my booklet, " Diet For The Soul" which can be downloaded from our (ie www.orthodoxjewishsingles.com ) site, www.hineni.org. But bear in mind that any reason given serves only as "ta`am" — a "taste" — and is not definitive.

You may be shocked by this, but the conflict that separates you and the young man is not religious one. Judaism is not a religion. Rather it is a way of life. Our mitzvot are not some antiquated traditions, but rather, they are the fabric from which our covenant was woven — a covenant sealed in love, fire, blood and sacrifice.... a covenant between us and G-d that is eternal. So you can see, my dear friend, that it is not a religious conflict or cuisine that separates you, but our G-d given way of life. Severing that will impact not only on you, but on your children and children`s children. If your husband mocks these laws, what will there be to prevent him from one day taking your children to his favorite restaurant and feeding them his favorite shrimp dish? What sort of shalom bayis — peace and tranquility — can you anticipate in such a jewish jewish Jewish Marriage?

Therefore, my suggestion to you is that before you commit to jewish jewish Jewish Marriage, you ask your friend to enroll in Torah study program, and since he is a New York resident, he will find a plethora of programs available to him. If you wish, you can call our Hineni office (212-496-1660) or e-mail us at hineni@hineni.org, and we will be happy to be of help. If he doesn`t have the time to attend class, we can arrange to have one of our Hineni rabbis study with him in his office or home — the point being that he graduate from the "young child level of Jewish knowledge" and develop into a mature, knowledgeable Torah Jew who is capable of transmitting a heritage.

Even if he commits to study even once week, he will be on his way, for the soul of a Jew who studies Torah opens to that moment at Sinai when G-d spoke... and everything falls into place (and when say study Torah, don`t mean discussions about Torah, but authentic, straightforward study). In the interim, to comply with your request, allow me to relate three little anecdotes from my own life.

Kashrut In Bergen Belsen

1. As young child, was incarcerated in Bergen Belsen concentration camp. Every morning, we received a meager ration of stale bread and some muddy liquid which they called coffee. Later in the day, they served us something inedible called soup. It was made of some crude vegetables which, in better times, was used as fodder for the barnyard animals. But soon enough, as starvation took its toll, this putrid liquid became a gourmet dish in our eyes.

One day, we were informed that officials of the International Red Cross were coming for an inspection. While they were known to be notorious anti-Semites, indifferent to our suffering, our German masters nevertheless wanted to impress them. To prove how well they fed us, they brought in barrels of cooked snails.

Reading this story, you may think to yourself "Ugh! How disgusting! How could anyone eat snails?" But think about it. In what way are snails different from the lobster or shrimp that tantalize the palates of so many people nowadays? As matter of fact, in France, snails are regarded as a gourmet delicacy. And don`t forget, we were starving, and to us, anything remotely edible looked good. But just the same, no one in our camp touched those snails.

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Memories Of My Husband

2. My beloved husband of blessed memory, Rabbi Meshulem HaLevi Jungreis, zt" , was tall, strapping, handsome man. Prior to the Nazi occupation of Hungary, he, together with many other young Jewish lads, was deported to slave labor camps where he was forced to do back-breaking work. The Hungarian Gestapo tried to coerce him into eating pork and other non-kosher food so that he might have the energy to work in the mines and carry heavy loads up and down the mountains.

My husband never touched the treif food, but subsisted only on his small daily ration of bread. He maintained the same regimen when, later, he was transported to German concentration camp by the Nazis — under no circumstances would he transgress the laws of kashrut.

After the war, he looked more like walking skeleton than a human being, but the spirituality that emanated from him made him a most powerful presence. That spirituality distinguished him throughout his life, and whoever came in contact with him, young or old, Jew or Gentile, was touched by it — and it was not by coincidence that those who knew him lovingly called him "The Gentle Giant".

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Lesson From Babe

3. My third story is about my grandson, Shmuely, who today, Baruch HaShem, is 10-year-old devoted Torah student. When Shmuely was two years old, he was with us for our Hineni High Holiday services which we conduct to this very day at The Pierre Hotel in New York City. As in many fine hotels, when they prepare your room for the night, the housekeepers place a piece of chocolate on your pillow. Shmuely, who like all children, loved candy, picked up the chocolate and said, "Bubba, it`s not kosher!" And he regretfully handed the chocolate to me.

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Anyone reading these stories, must consider the painful irony of Jews living in society in which there is a multiplicity of choice of the most delectable kosher foods, opting for treif — non kosher. What sort of reflection is that on our generation`s Jewish commitment?

If Jews in the concentration camps were prepared to accept the gnawing pain of hunger rather than partake of that which G-d forbade; if little jewish boy of two was willing to give up his chocolate because it might not be kosher, then what possible excuse can anyone in modern day America have?

It is written in the Book of Genesis (25) that when Esau came in from the hunt and saw his brother Jacob cooking lentils, he demanded, "Feed me some of that red, red stuff."

And for that pot of beans, Esau sold his birthright.

The challenge with which you must confront your friend is, "Are you willing to sell your birthright — G-d` commandments — for a pot of beans... for that lobster or shrimp? Is it worth it? ◙