Still Jewish Single And Happy

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Still Jewish Single And Happy

had written you letter two years ago and signed it "Twenty two, Jewish Single, and happy". This letter is a follow-up to the first. am now twenty-four, still Jewish Single and happy, but am now frustrated. am not writing this letter to complain about the fact that am not married, nor am writing this letter to tell you how it hurts me when a friend becomes a kallah — because it does not hurt me. am genuinely happy for the kallah and know that in the right time, with my bashert, too will become a kallah. am writing this letter to vent about what our frum society is still doing to young Jewish Singles (particularly jewish women) in their mid-twenties who are not engaged.
had written you letter two years ago and signed it "Twenty two, Jewish Single, and happy". This letter is a follow-up to the first. am now twenty-four, still Jewish Single and happy, but am now frustrated.

am not writing this letter to complain about the fact that am not married, nor am writing this letter to tell you how it hurts me when a friend becomes a kallah — because it does not hurt me. am genuinely happy for the kallah and know that in the right time, with my bashert, too will become a kallah. am writing this letter to vent about what our frum society is still doing to young Jewish Singles (particularly jewish women) in their mid-twenties who are not engaged.

The term "Jewish Match Crisis" has been making the rounds recently. have seen flyers for forums about "The Shidduch Crisis in 2004" or the like. How do you think it makes twenty-four, twenty-five, or twenty-six year old feel when they hear about this — that it is a crisis that they are unmarried? agree that there are many Jewish Single men and jewish women in their mid to late twenties who are unmarried and that something should be done, but to label it a crisis is wrong! What kind of message is this sending to young Jewish Singles?

Personally, feel that the "crisis" is the fact that people think that it is crisis that a twenty-six year old is not married. am sure that these Jewish Singles are trying to deal with their own emotions and to hear that this is a crisis can hurt them even more than they already may be. My parents and their friends did not get married in their early twenties. They were married in their mid twenties and even thirty years old. The difference was that there were places where they were able to meet each other in a very relaxed atmosphere.

In today` world, there are no more "Tuesday Night Dances" like my parents went to in their Jewish Single days. There is no place where Jewish Singles can gather without any pressure to just have a good time and meet people. know that people with very good intentions are organizing Jewish Singles mixers where Jewish Singles in their mid-twenties to early thirties (they are very specific about age) can go to meet other Jewish Singles. would feel very awkward going to one. These mixers are designed specifically for the purpose of meeting someone to date. do not want to spend an evening meeting people and in essence stating, "Hi, `m so and so. Do you want to date me?" Of course would not say that, but that is basically what it boils down to.

friend of mine has gone to a few of these, very reluctantly, and has confirmed that that is basically what happens. There is the pressure to look your best at these events and you do "scope out the competition". My parent`s friends agree and they would like to organize a shiur in one of their homes, have Jewish Singles come for that purpose, and if they meet someone they are interested in, all the better. If that doesn`t happen, at least a night of learning was had by all and no one was forced to mingle.

am also frustrated by those individuals who are not thinking before they speak. Case in point: One Shabbos afternoon, was sitting with my mother outside of our house and an acquaintance of my parents stopped by to talk. No sooner were the pleasantries over than this individual asked, "So, how`s Jewish Dating going?" Personally, had no idea how to react. My Jewish Dating life, or rather career should say, since am hoping to retire from it soon, is not a topic of conversation, particularly not with someone who hardly knows me.

smiled at him and replied, "You will know how it is going when you`re invited to the vort". He looked at me and repeated his question. repeated my answer and then he stated that he assumed that the vort was going to be soon. Second case in point: My parents had wanted me to go with them to help pick fabric for furniture. The store was in Boro Park. After poring over fabric for what seemed like an eternity, sat down a few feet away from my parents. few moments later, the saleswoman approached my parents and said in a loud voice, "You`re picking out furniture for your daughter, the Kallah." was so stunned and then annoyed at this woman. didn`t care about being rude in my reply because thought that she lacked sechel to approach a stranger and say something like that. just answered, " `m not a kallah, but thank you for reminding me."

My father thought that my comment was rude, but my mother understood what was feeling and what meant. find it extremely rude to ask someone about their Jewish Dating life, especially if you do not know them or even if it is because you are just curious about it. It isn`t as if these people have any advice for me, except the ever popular, "Don`t worry, you`ll find someone."

The last thing that am frustrated about is the "new batch" of questions circulating inquiring about young ladies/men: "Is the jewish girl anorexic or bulimic?" Who would know the answer except close family member or the therapist that she may be seeing? These illnesses are not public knowledge, so now we are asking people to guess at this.

Another question is, "Does the family eat Snackers or Tam Tam crackers?" Well, `ll tell you that my family eats whatever crackers are on sale! (By the way, the right answer is Tam Tam). Then the question that drives me nuts: "Do the parents love each other or are they just living together in Jewish Marriage?"

Excuse me? Who is going to have insight into Jewish Marriage just from what they see in public and not what goes on behind closed doors? Besides, what kind of question is that? It`s really no one`s business! Is this what our society is coming to?

Is it any wonder that am frustrated? just want people to know how they are making Jewish Singles feel even if it is unintentional. would also like to lend support to readers who feel the way do and to tell them to stay strong. Let them know that they are not alone in their feelings. They have normal feelings about the matters that have written about, and that understand their feelings.

Sincerely,

Twenty four, Jewish Single, happy but frustrated.