Rebbetzin` Viewpoint

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Rebbetzin` Viewpoint

By: Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis; won`t be seeing my husband and children this Shabbos. won`t see them next week either. As a matter of fact, won`t be seeing them next month either. That`s because don`t have a husband or children yet.
 The Lack Of Chizuk

Letter # 1

Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis;

won`t be seeing my husband and children this
Shabbos. won`t see them next week either. As
matter of fact, won`t be seeing them next month
either. That` because don`t have a husband or
children yet.

Yet wonder when will ? It gets to me,
sometimes more than at others, but lately, it seems
worse, harder to take. One thing that doesn`t help is
``other people.`` just went Baruch Hashem, to
another simcha and there sat, almost invisible.
Invisible because don`t have sheitel on my head.
divorced woman is never treated this way, never
invisible. sat there and no one asked me anything
other than one Jewish Single question about piece of jewelry
that wore. Not even ``How are you?`` or ``What are
you doing?,`` or ``Where will you be for Sukkos?``

didn`t attempt to make conversation. `ve been
through this countless numbers of times, and know
exactly how it goes. used to make conversation, but
finally after years and years of the effort coming only
from my part, decided that this year — that` it, and
so just sat there and couldn`t wait to leave and be
home. `m sure that there will be those reading this
that will say, ``It probably shows, and that` why no
one talks to you.`` No, it doesn`t as smile and act as if
there` nothing wrong.

These were not strangers, but my own relatives
to whose simchas `ve gone to most of my life. won`t
even go into how they never ever helped me with
shidduchim, yet some would criticize my mother and
me with actual relish, that it` our fault that am not
yet married.

But to think that it so hard for them to give
little chizuk at simcha is hard to take. It`s enough
that there are no invitations all these years for
Shabbos or Chanukah (eight nights to choose from!)
Or Purim, or just an invitation to Sunday lunch or
brunch. No calls ever all year round all these years.
(Or at least not real invitation - there were those few
who would ask ``Would you come for Shabbos? `ll
call you`` — and then they never did).

When they see relative of theirs who is still
Jewish Single, while their lives have been blessed with
spouses and families — why can`t they summon up
few words to talk with this person? To wish me well,
to see if in some way they could give some chizuk?
Just by talking! They don`t even seem to think of
helping, like suggesting good shadchan.

know that am not the only one to suffer this
way, but also know why there are few Jewish Single girls
over 30 or 40 at simchas, and there are many, many in
that group. There comes point where you just don`t
want to be the oldest Jewish Single at any event and you also
don`t want to be treated as if you`re invisible. So you
might as well not be there and not go.

Letter #2

Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis:

have attended many of your Torah classes and
have always found them informative, stimulating and
inspiring. To be candid, have also come for Jewish Match
purposes, but thus far have had no luck. live on the
Upper West Side. have participated in the many
Jewish Match programs available in that Jewish Community and
have been on countless Jewish Singles weekends and
Shabbatons. have met some very nice people — but
have as yet to find my basherte. Why? do not know.
It certainly has not been for lack of effort on my part.

am 57-year-old man. own and operate a
successful business. am in good shape, work out
daily, love music and travel. Everyone tells me that
don`t look my age... don`t really know what someone
my age (57) is supposed to look or act like. All can
tell you is that feel young and act young. am loathe
to admit to my age however, because that
automatically limits me when it comes to Jewish Match.
have to marry someone who is no older than 37. You
see, would still like to have children. know that
would make wonderful father. When it comes to
kids, have loads of patience and feel that have a
lot to offer.

Unfortunately, for many reasons, too
complicated to go into in this letter, never married.
guess what it all boils down to is that was too
choosy, and time has passed me by. So here am, 57
and Jewish Single, still looking for that special someone.

know that you will most probably say that
nowadays, jewish women in their forties are also having
children, and it would be more appropriate for me to
marry someone closer to my own age, but jewish women who
are having children in their forties are the exception,
and can`t really rely upon that. If don`t have
children soon, our family line will, G-d forbid, come to
an end. have one brother, and he is married to
Gentile, so while he has two children, they are not
Jewish. My father is no longer alive, and would love
to have name for him, which would also comfort my
90 year old ailing mother. So, as you can see, it` not
selfishness or vanity that prompts me to seek
younger Jewish Marriage partner, but the preservation of our
family name.

It has been very painful and lonely quest, and
people have made it worse. have not only had very
little sympathy from friends and relatives, but they
have said some very cruel things to me like, should
face facts, come to terms with my age, and not be an
old man who chases after young girls. And the
shadchanim have been no better — they have been
downright unsupportive. My situation is difficult
enough, and need people to give me chizuk —
strength, and not sarcasm. am totally misunderstood
— just want to have children.

And yet, know of many men my age who
married younger jewish women. Why can`t have the same
good fortune? Am chasing rainbow?